I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
