I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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