:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
