Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
