i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
