There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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