hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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