Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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