i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
