respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
