OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
