these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize