I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
