my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
