I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize