I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We just shotgunned beers for America
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize