you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
