Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
