I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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