I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
