is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
