Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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