do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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