I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
