she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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