this just has baby written all over it
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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