is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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