the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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