Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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