Can Purell be used as lube?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
