My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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