Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
