The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
