So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
