he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
