I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
