the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
