Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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