i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
