so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize