It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
