Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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