Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
