member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
