Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
