I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
