He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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