My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
