How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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