We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
