4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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