I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My balls are so social today.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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