Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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