glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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