It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
