The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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