I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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