everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
