i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize