my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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