I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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