Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
