At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
