I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
this just has baby written all over it
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
