dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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