cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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