I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
